


That Darn Goose Is Back, Dear!

by Yacer_Sho



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Untitled Goose Game (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Untitled Goose Game Fusion, Angry Crowley (Good Omens), Angry Goose Noises, Aziraphale is So Done (Good Omens), Crowley is So Done (Good Omens), Funny, M/M, Mischief, Oblivious Aziraphale (Good Omens), Short & Sweet, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2021-01-22 14:00:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21303245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yacer_Sho/pseuds/Yacer_Sho
Summary: The goose from Untitled Goose Game has manifested itself into the Good Omens universe and wrecks havoc on poor Crowley and Aziraphale by doing the one thing it does best; mischief.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 65





	1. Chapter 1

Aziraphale was enjoying his time off in the garden by reading a book on a lawn chair. 

A steaming cup of tea was on a round table at his side in case he ever wanted to take a sip, but he wanted to wait until it cooled down.

The weather was perfect, aside from the occasional harsh breeze, but Aziraphale paid no mind. 

Aziraphale was, at heart, a very unflappable Angel, meaning that he didn't make too much of a fuss in an event such as a crisis.

Crowley was in their home, most likely tending to the plants, so Aziraphale could spend his time getting his reading done.

That was, until he heard honking.

His head shot up from his book and his glasses nearly fell off his head.

The goose began honking from a nearby bush and poked its little head out while continuing to make noises.

Charging out of the bush and onto the pavement, the goose flapped its white wings and stared Aziraphale in the eyes.

That animal was on a mission to cause havoc.

Sighing, Aziraphale straightened and flipped the page of his book. 

"Shoo, you pesky thing! I remember what you did last time, and I don't want you causing any mischief again!"

The goose honked in response and tilted its head playfully, but Aziraphale paid it no mind and got back to reading.

A silly goose wasn't going to ruin his day off.

Honking to itself, the goose walked around the yard and poked and prodded at certain objects it found interesting.

Tools, plants, lawn decorations, you name it, and the goose tried to steal them, much to the angel's dismay.

Scoffing, he called to Crowley, "That darn goose is back, dear!" 

Looking up, the goose started honking again, now on a mission to cause as much havoc to the poor couple as possible.

Crowley arrived just as the goose started sprinting towards Aziraphale's book and snatched it out of his grasp.

Behind his tinted glasses, Crowley ran down the porch steps and chased the goose around the garden.

That goose had the nerve to continue honking, even with Aziraphale's stolen book in its mouth.

"Why you little- Give me that book you damn animal!" Crowley demanded, reaching his hand out to grab it.

"Crowley, please don't hurt it!"

"The goose or your book, Angel?" He snapped back, just as the goose came to a halt.

"W-Well, either of them! Please, just stop that goose!"

A medium sized pond was near the fence, which housed two tiny Koi fish and a few Lily Pads.

It was almost considered Crowley and Aziraphale's prized possession, and the goose had a devilish idea.

Strutting over to the pond, and trying not to gain suspicion as the two men continued to argue, the goose honked and started to paddle in their pond with the book still in their mouth.

The Koi Fish swam to the bottom to hide, and the goose started to honk as if it was relishing in its mischief.

Aziraphale and Crowley both turned to find the source of the noise, and the poor angel almost shrieked as he watched the animal ever so slowly place the book into the water.

"No, no! Bad goose! Give me my book back!" Aziraphale demanded, reaching into the water to grab the drenched piece of literature.

His bottom lip quivered as a piece of the page ripped off due to being covered in water.

The goose swam out of the water and walked around the yard again and only continued to make a ruckus as Crowley tried to console Aziraphale.

Staring at the table, which held Aziraphale's cup of tea, the goose grabbed hold of the leg using its beak and pulled it.

The table made a noise on the pavement, and once again, Crowley turned around to see the goose make even more of a mess.

Falling with a thud, the table landed harshly onto the ground, whereas the tea cup smashed into a million pieces and spilled his tea everywhere.

Luckily, the steaming hot tea didn't land on the goose, but if it did, Crowley wouldn't have minded too much.

Crowley wasn't even sure this was an animal at this point. This _thing _that claimed to be a goose was seemingly an eldritch god of frivolity, and only existed to cause a ruckus.

Aziraphale looked physically defeated as he watched the goose honk and flap its wings in celebration.

"You really are a menace, you know that?" The angel grumbled towards the goose, who, in return, tilted its head to the side and picked up the broken tea cup, then scurried off into someone else's yard.

"And good riddance to you!" Crowley called as it honked once more.

Crowley and Aziraphale both knew this wasn't the last time they were going to see that goose, but they would know better than to let it win.


	2. The Menace is Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Crowley and Aziraphale have a picnic in St. James' Park, and low and behold, discover that the goose is back to cause more mayhem. But who knows? Maybe it just wants to enjoy the picnic... or not.

"Hey there, Aziraphale! Sorry to keep you waiting, but traffic was a pain in the ass. Did you pack everything we needed for our little excursion?" Crowley asks while strutting over to the park bench.

Aziraphale excitedly waved to Crowley and made sure to place the bookmark into his book for safekeeping. He wouldn't want to lose his place for when he wanted to continue it later.

"Hello, Crowley! I'm so glad you finally made it, and you needn't bother apologizing. I didn't wait long at all."

He conveniently placed his book at his side with the bookmark tassel hanging off the bench. Unbeknownst to him, it was the perfect height for a _certain someone _to grab a hold of, especially when the opportunity presented itself.

A small picnic basket was beside him filled with nothing more than a thermos full of juice (and two cups), and two canisters which held a home-cooked meal prepared by Aziraphale himself.

The food inside the canisters were quite appetizing, even by a demon's and an angel's standards.

Green beans with brown rice and pasta salad were comfortably stashed inside the canisters, and kept in tip top condition by a little miracle Aziraphale wished up.

Aziraphale wouldn't admit it, but in the time it took for Crowley to arrive, the food began to lose its freshness, but it was nothing Aziraphale couldn't fix.

The picnic basket beside Aziraphale served as a "reservation" for Crowley once he made it, and the two of them would sit side by side and enjoy a nice, relaxing day in the park.

As Crowley came closer, the angel noticed a blue gift bag with intricate designs swinging to and fro in the endlessly energetic demon's hand, which read something in French.

Unfortunately, by how much the bag was swaying in Crowley's grip, Aziraphale couldn't translate what the French words were and ended up curiously tilting his head to the side and twiddling his fingers together.

As Crowley sat on the bench, hungrily staring at the picnic basket, he noticed Aziraphale staring at the bag, and his mouth opened to speak.

"Oh, yeah, sorry about that, angel. I took a quick stop in France, you know, to get you a little something. You made us a picnic and I got you a present, no big deal." 

It was incredible that Crowley could brush off such a generous thing.

After all, it's not often someone goes to France to buy a gift purely because of an outing in the park, but Crowley was Crowley.

And he had a knack for doing the impossible.

Aziraphale graciously took the bag with a smile on his face, and gave it a gentle shake to see what could be inside.

"Crowley, you didn't have to... But thank you, regardless, dear." The angel states, finally opening it.

The two smiled warmly to each other as Aziraphale removed the white tissue paper inside the bag, which ruffled when grabbed. 

His blue eyes widened in awe and wonder as he held up a decorative table sculpture of a colorful peacock. 

It wasn't too large, and just the right size to hold since it wasn't too heavy either.

"It's beautiful! But you didn't have to do this, we're just having a picnic!" Aziraphale stuttered, watching the metallic indigo and teal finishes gleam in the sunlight.

"Aw, well, it's nothing really. You already do so much for me, so I thought I may as well get you something for your troubles." 

As Crowley said this, he hadn't really made eye contact with Aziraphale, possibly from being too nervous.

Regardless, Aziraphale put it back into the gift bag for safe keeping and carefully placed it beside him.

"Well, thank you, anyway. I'll make sure to find a proper place for it in our cottage once we get home. Now," He says, opening the picnic basket, "Let's have ourselves a picnic."

* * *

While talking amongst themselves, and enjoying their food, Aziraphale and Crowley failed to notice the goose causing havoc in St. James' Park, and paid no mind to the continuous honking.

The humans of St. James' Park knew better than to disrupt the harmony of nature, but when it came down to a goose, there would be some exceptions.

Especially since the goose was currently throwing gardening tools into the lake without the poor gardener having any idea.

A few children and adults would attempt to snatch the gardening tools out of the water, only to be honked at by one goose who thought it had domain over the whole park.

It would perform a show by flapping its wings and honking, hoping to draw their attention away from the lake, only to be praised by a few people it took pity on.

Of course, there was always a No Geese Allowed sign which appeared once someone had enough of the goose's nonsense, but once the sign came up, it always immediately came back down.

Once the goose had caused enough havoc in one area, it waddled off to another area of the park. 

Conveniently enough for the goose, Aziraphale's and Crowley's picnic was right where it was headed.

* * *

While Crowley was listening to Aziraphale summarize the story he was reading prior to the picnic, Crowley's eyes wandered from his food to the source of a noise he was all too familiar with.

"And then, ugh, Mrs. Georga had the nerve to frame Elizabeth for the murder of her husband. Can you imagine? Of course, that-" Aziraphale said, as he took another bite of rice.

"Sh, do you hear something, angel?" Crowley snapped.

It wasn't like he didn't want to hear Aziraphale speak, in fact he loved hearing about the stories his angel cherished so much.

It saved him the trouble of reading anyways.

As the two of them stayed quiet for a little while longer, they heard a distant honk, and the sound of wood being dragged across the grass. 

The menace is back.

A few people stopped and stared at the goose dragging along a sign that was ironically enough a No Geese Allowed sign, complete with a drawn goose with a big circle and a line through it.

To the humans, they found it amusing that a goose was carrying around a sign.

But to the angel and the demon, who have seen what the goose was capable of, found it to be incredibly irritating.

On impulse, Aziraphale took the gift bag and stuffed it inside the picnic basket in the hopes that the goose wouldn't grab onto the handles and drag it into the lake with everything else.

"Should we leave?" The angel asks, making sure he maintains direct eye contact on Crowley.

The demon laughs and takes another sip of his juice while shaking his head all the while.

"Aziraphale, a goose isn't going to spoil our fun. Just ignore it and it'll ignore you."

Huffing, Aziraphale takes one last look at the goose and nods quickly. "R-Right. This is _our _picnic, and an animal causing mischief isn't going to ruin it for us."

Eating more food, the angel takes another look towards the gift Crowley bought for him.

With the goose wandering around, it could potentially steal the sculpture of the peacock, so Aziraphale had to be on high alert.

Crowley groaned in annoyance once the honking started again, only closer this time, and he quickly turned around to see where it went. 

"...Okay, well, the damn thing is heading straight for us." The demon sighed out.

"_Please_ tell me you're joking, Crowley. What if it-"

As if sneaking up behind them, the goose honks as soon as it gets close.

"Just ignore it, angel. It'll probably leave us alone if we let it be." Crowley whispered. 

Throughout this entire ordeal, Crowley was enjoying the food Aziraphale cooked for the picnic.

As for Aziraphale, he was having a mini-panic attack, especially since the goose ruined not one, but three of his prized possessions not a month earlier.

Strutting to the front of the bench where Crowley and Aziraphale were, the goose flapped its wings and tried gaining their attention. 

In a way, the goose recognized Aziraphale and Crowley and wanted to greet them, but was only ignored in the process.

With a short honk, the goose walked up to the tassel of the bookmark and began to play with it.

Ultimately, the tassel came loose from the book and was being held in the goose's mouth, so Aziraphale had lost his place.

To make things worse, the book fell to the grassy floor in a harsh thump, and the pages became ruffled and dented.

"Hey, hey! No, bad goose. Give me that bookmark back!" Aziraphale commanded, picking up the fallen book and attempting to snatch away the stolen bookmark.

Running away with it, the goose lets out a celebratory wing-flap and placed it on the ground. 

Ironically enough, Aziraphale could just get up from his seat and chase the goose around the park for his bookmark, but the goose also has a head-start in case he tried to run.

"Aziraphale, come on, if you would just leave it alone it'll find something else to do. I'll buy you another bookmark, just sit and enjoy yourself." Crowley stated nonchalantly.

He obviously wasn't taking this so seriously, and it caused Aziraphale to furrow his eyebrows together.

"That goose won last time, and I am not going to let it win again." Standing to his feet, he fixed his button-down suit and stared the goose in the eyes, as if challenging it.

This means war, and they both knew that.

Crowley was on the sidelines, albeit laughing to himself that Aziraphale was _actually _going to chase a goose around the park to get his bookmark back, and that a goose was so hellbent on ruining people's lives.

"Alright, angel. You go play tag with a wild animal and I'll sit here enjoying myself." 

"Fine!" The angel snapped, watching the goose slowly pick up the bookmark in case Aziraphale began running, "But don't let it anywhere near the peacock sculpture. Who knows, maybe the goose will think of it as a friend."

As Crowley brushed him off, he grumbled under his breath, "Don't worry, I got it."

* * *

To Aziraphale, running around the park attempting to grab his stolen bookmark was like a game of cat and mouse.

Tried as he might, the goose used dastardly tricks to throw Aziraphale off guard, such as honking in fear once he got close enough, or swimming into the lake with the bookmark in his mouth.

"Is this really necessary?" Aziraphale whispered, although he wasn't entirely sure if he was talking to himself or the aquatic mammal. 

The goose honked in triumph, and the angel rolled his eyes.

"Look, I know I might be talking to a brick wall, but there must be some shred of kindness in your little feathery body. You can't only be evil incarnate." 

The goose tilted its head as Aziraphale spoke, as if possibly listening to reason.

The angel nodded excitedly and reached out his hand into the lake to grab his bookmark from the goose's mouth.

"If you give me my bookmark, then I'll let you steal something even better. Don't worry, he has loads of them." He cooed, grabbing a hold of his bookmark.

Triumphantly, the goose swam out of the water and followed the angel across the grass. 

"Yes, that's right... I bet you're wondering what we're going to steal, aren't you, you little troublemaker? It's those glasses my companion wears, and don't worry, he won't mind... I hope."

Flapping its wings, the goose honks in reply and starts sprinting in the direction of Crowley.

As long as Aziraphale wasn't the target, the goose was actually quite adorable, but it still caused havoc nonetheless.

* * *

As Crowley saw Aziraphale with a bookmark in hand, and with a charging goose, the demon actually thought he had the nerve to show the goose some spunk.

While Crowley waited, he had been undoing the ruffles and dents made on the book once it fell.

He wasn't shy when it came to helping out his angel, especially if it was a book he enjoyed so much. 

"Hello, dear! It seems I've made a friend!" Aziraphale announced as the goose continued honking as it ran.

His eyes widened behind his glasses and his eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. "Yeah, uh... How... How did that happen, exactly?"

As Aziraphale sat back down onto the bench and graciously took the book from Crowley's hands, he found his place and put the bookmark back inside.

"The goose and I made a deal with one another." He said plainly as he watched the goose stare at Crowley's glasses.

"Isn't that my job? You know, making deals? W-Wait a minute, what could a goose possibly make a deal on?" Crowley crossed his arms and tried to nudge away the goose with his foot.

Aziraphale stared at the goose and gave it a quick nod, as if he was confirming that, "Yes, you will get the glasses in a moment." in the form of an expression.

"Ah, yes, you see, that's where I knew you would be quite angry. The goose wants your glasses, dear. In exchange for my bookmark, I told it that it could have your glasses."

Holding his possession protectively, Crowley stood to his feet and backed away from the goose who had started following him.

"Aziraphale, why would you make a deal like that? Dammit angel..." He grumbled, staring down at the goose, who in turn, gave a little ruffle of its tail-feather.

"Ugh," He said, giving Aziraphale a disappointed glance, "A deal is a deal, I guess."

Aziraphale chuckled a little as he hesitantly took off his glasses, revealing his snake eyes.

He blinked as his eyes readjusted to the sudden change in brightness, and finally dangled the glasses above the goose's head.

It honked and snatched out of his hand, then ran off to find someone else to terrorize.

"Are you happy with yourself, angel?" Crowley asked, resting his arm on the head of the bench.

Laughing, Aziraphale nodded and put his book into the picnic basket.

Noticing the peacock sculpture, he smiled warmly and stood to his feet.

"Immensely, my dear. Now come along, we have to find a nice place to put this sculpture. And it's alright, Crowley, your eyes are lovely in this light."

Groaning, but with a slight smile on his face, Crowley picked up the picnic basket and followed Aziraphale back to the car.

Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see the goose running off with his glasses comfortably held in its beak.

"You're lucky I have more glasses in my Bentley." 

"Just be glad it didn't steal the sculpture."


End file.
